Stories Of Celebrities Insuring Their Bodies
Image by Victor1558, some rights reserved.
Celebrities are not like you and me. They are inherently more valuable, and should be treated as such.
If a celebrity falls on his finger, breaking it, scoop-hungry paparazzi will no longer be able to take photos of it stumbling out of nightclubs in mid-blink, meaning that a major source of their income and indeed reason to continue with their dismal existences has been removed.
For this reason, celebrities insure their bodies for sums that may well seem ridiculous to mere mortals such as you and I. Here are the best stories of celebrity body insurance.
1. Troy Polamalu
Troy Polamalu, most famous for playing with the Pittsburgh Steelers, is also known for his trademark long, flowing hair. Because of this, he has had his hair insured for a million dollars.
Presumably, this is to do with promoting his brand, because although it is impressive that he has been growing his hair since the year 2000, I doubt it serves any practical purpose.
Unless he can attach some kind of scythe to his hair and whip it around to defeat his foes, like this guy from an old computer game called Summoner 2.
2. America Ferrera
America Ferrera has had her smile insured for a massive $10 million. They seem to like round numbers, these celebrities, almost seeming as though they're trying to generate news stories rather than accurate valuations of their body parts – but, no, that's much too cynical.
Partly due to her role in Ugly Betty, and partly due to her naturally dazzling smile, this high valuation is in close competition with the unlikely rival Ken Dodd, whose smile has rather more, um, unique charms, with its buck teeth.
3. Merv Hughes
Probably the most bizarre entry on this list, although not the most valuable, cricketer Merv Hughes' moustache is valued at $317,000 if he should ever lose it.
How exactly one would lose a moustache is up for debate. I doubt that an insurance company would accept "I slipped and fell on an unusually sharp stone, which left me unharmed but sliced the moustache off my face with a lingering aroma of aloe vera" as a valid reason for a claim.
All other moustaches are, of course, worth significantly less than nothing.
4. Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey's legs appear to blast most other celebrities into the stratosphere, with a valuation of a mighty one billion dollars.
You might be a talented wine expert, like Angela Mount, a skilled footballer, like David Beckham, or dancing feet like Michael Flatley, but you simply cannot compete with the inherent value of a leg of Mariah Carey.
